I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
