And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
