Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
