His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
