Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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