wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
