he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
