One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
