i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
