This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
