I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
