After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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