I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
