We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
