I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
