You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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