Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How does one acquire holy water?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
