Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
