I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
