Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
