Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
