Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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