things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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