I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
