I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
