Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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