if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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