it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
