Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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