what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's like iHOP with fire
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
