I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
