piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
