I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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