I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
