Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
