Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
