she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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