love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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