Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
COCAINE IS GR8
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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