those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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