I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
