I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
