what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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