Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
