i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
