Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
