Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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