I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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