you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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