I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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