it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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