omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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