you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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