ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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