Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize