Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
