dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
