I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
