i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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