would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
