guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
