May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
