So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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