Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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