i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
