just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
