Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
