is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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