You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
