Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
