she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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