[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
