just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
