there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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