tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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