I think i peed on brittanys purse
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
